Americans are Cool | Dr Brendan Moloney

I remember listening to a punk band in my teenage years. They were American, and have a song 'Americans are cool'. It was ironic. The lyrics are kind of direct (and I wonder why I have no filter): Nationalistic fuckin' crap, bullshit

Want the world right in your lap, bullshit

All because of where you were born, bullshit

In the land of kiddie porn, bullshit

Americans are cool

Bullshit

Over the past couple of years, I set up a company in the United States. For the most part it has been fun. Honestly, it's been a bit of a life saver - Australia's economy is dead as a Grand Lizard's capacity for empathy - so the ability to trade in a country which has all but 'moved on' from the flu is a godsend. Things I love about the States? Obviously it's an interesting place. So many kooky people in one population, the highs and lows, the amusement of their nationalism. I quite enjoy the ignorance. There are some really exceptional people - in every respect. Smart. Funny. Inquisitive. Worldly. However, over the past couple of years, I've learnt a few things I didn't know before. Here are 3 new things that I've learnt: 1. Americans LOVE to complain. I didn't realise how much Americans love to complain. They complain about politics, work, weather - just like the rest of us. But they 10x the complaints. On and on and on. I didn't realise how much Americans just love complaining. They workshop it. They live it. They coat themselves in it. 2. American Women are NUTS. Sorry to say, this is going to upset some thingies who say there are no such thing as women. And it's also probably offensive to feminists who think women are the personification of virtue and innocence. I got to say American women are nuts. Middle managers, especially. The emotional range belongs in a symphony. It's like they have their own nutty frequency that doesn't resonate. It goes something like this - high, low, low, extremely high, mid-range. off the charts high. They put the border in borderline. Wow. Incredible. 3. People are often INCOMPETENT. I have a healthy respect for work and experience. You know if you pay someone to do something, best let them do it. However, you need to know something about what you are ordering. Let me explain with an example. I go to a cafe and order a sandwich. I'm not going to go behind the counter and make the sandwich. However, when food comes to my table, I at least need to play my part and evaluate the sandwich. Does it look like a sandwich? Does it taste like a sandwich? For the most part, I've found Americans have no idea what they are ordering, what they want, or what they should do when they get what they want. They'll order a sandwich then disappear. They'll come back and find a sandwich and say, 'I ordered steak'. Or they'll get a sandwich, 'this is not what I wanted at all'. And on, and on. It's just the basic things that they are often incompetent in.... I don't know why this is the case ... It's totally weird. It doesn't make me love the USA less. It just makes me understand why everyone is on guard. Finger on the belt, ready to unholster. The people are weird as all get up.

Americans are cool?

The best way to answer: "you messed up my order". And then cry hysterically. In peace and parallel