And in a sense I didn't want to write it. But I HAD to!
When I say, 'Hey Peg?' do you feel anything?
What images does that question raise for you?
Maybe Married with Children, maybe a wholesome greeting to a lady called Peg.
Not anymore, it isn't.
Last night I was eating a bowl of my favourite Chinese noodles. It's a really nice one in South Yarra, and you can order extra broth, and it's pretty kick butt.
I digress ...
So I got texting with a friend. We were texting about the state of the world, the interesting observation that there is a surprising conformity among young people as being 'sexually fluid'. Yes, that's not sexual fluids! It is sexually fluid.
So what does sexually fluid mean? I'm sure I'm wrong, however, I understand sexual fluidity to be wearing outlandish clothing coordinates, usually brightly coloured, and speaking like you are sometimes gay, sometimes female, sometimes male, sometimes something else ...
My feeling is is more about playing around with gender roles (not really original, but let's let them think so) and less about sexual behaviour.
By sms, I made a crack about my disappointment in young men. For instance, I doubt there is a nut available in any pack of young men nowadays (Going full Mussolini, DB) ... and that these guys need to speak with deeper voices, buy chocolates, and dominate their sexual objects, I mean girlfriend/sweethearts, by acting like a sex god, in an aggressive but well balanced, sweet, and subtle way - too easy! It's romantic!
That's the way it has been and will always be - since the dawn of time.
So, I was aghast, between slurps of soup, to discover that that's not the way that young dudes are rolling nowadays.
The word is that they are getting rooted by their girlfriends.
That is, without too many details, inverting the traditional male/female dynamic with strap on fake phalluses.
This is, apparently called 'Pegging'.
Can I make an official complaint about this?! Or at least red card it? Or at least appeal to any remaining masculinity these boys might have?
Okay, first of all. If you are freaky and love that thing, go forth and do it. It has a place in a subculture. All for diversity, in a leather basement somewhere, where you are paying top dollar to be humiliated, and you have a ball in your mouth and wearing a leather mask.
But a mainstream practice, sorry no can do!
First of all, while I am straight, I would like to complain on behalf of gay men. If you want to roll that way, man up and at least become gay. Don't pass it off on to your girlfriend, it is cowardly. Gay men should be outraged by the practice.
Second, what kind of guy is so submissive and lazy that he makes his girlfriend go to the extra effort (they already put lots of time into make-up and hair! And now this - - I'm assuming this is not a one night stand thing - or I might faint - surely, you'd least need to know the person.)
Oh please, grow some nads. As I said to my friend, would 'real men' like Maoris or Italian red hot lovers do this. Of course not. "Hey Koa, would you like to grab a beer at the pub?" "Oh no thanks bro, still can't sit after what Mia did to me last night". Oh no! Hell no!
Third, be a man. It's not all about you! Isn't that right ladies? (See DB is sensitive). If you want that pleasure please go and do it somewhere else, preferably with a man, and keep the gay people in supply.
Okay some sexual fluid people will say, it's actually a lot of young women who are the champions. They like it! Of course they always say this ... Again, in DB's old fashioned world view, this is depriving lesbians of relationships. Please be considerate people.
Why can't we all just get along.
Honestly, I'm so distressed, the second bowl of soup disappeared and I didn't realise I had finished it.
I like the name Peg, and you've all just gone and ruined it for me.
We really need a sexual academy, where you can train these men in the old fashioned manners of getting drunk and cracking on to the nearest female.