Every year, without fail, I have a mini-breakdown.
It happens around 6 weeks' prior, and happens up until a day or two before the date.
The birthday blues may happen for a number of reasons: just getting older, seeing more wrinkles, and starting to walk a bit less smoothly.
But, for me, that's not it. I couldn't care less about getting older.
It's so easy to do, but I wonder why this happens so much during the birthday season.
The Blues is because I start to compare myself with everyone and everything.
I fall into the, 'holy smoke', I'm at this age, and I still don't have X, Y, and Z. It's the recipe for immense sadness.
I'm usually grounded by the fact that my birthday is on ANZAC Day, the memorial day for Australian and New Zealand soldiers.
It puts everything into perspective.
Then there's the fear of missing out.
I start to think about my life and all the things I could have done.
And the women that I missed out on dating.
All the experiences I didn't have ... and it's a deep dive down into a muggy bog of sadness
The final of the three birthday horsemen of sorrow is the reminder of my lack of purpose in life. You see people have it together and you think, 'what the hell am I doing'?
I interviewed Pete Evans, a year or two ago, and his summation of our conversation was "we spoke about a bit of this, and a bit of that". That's true, there's nothing really coherent in what I do. There's no 'theme' or purpose.
Just me rambling on and writing my silly thoughts.
Maybe someday I'll find a purpose. Or maybe I have it figured out - life is absurd - and the joke is on the rest of them. Though Pete's food is delicious, so I don't think this is true.
So, it's a big relief.
Now it's my actual birthday, I see all the good things I've got, and all the things to be grateful for.
Tomorrow, will be lovely again, and the three birthday horsemen of sorrow will have ridden off into the sunset.